The three most important questions are: Are you having sex? Do you have a family? Are you intellectually stimulated? Scoring three yeses is paradise, two yeses is what you need to be happy, and one yes is what you need to survive.
This is a quote from an 2003 German film – “Hierankl”. It sums up the three pillars of a happy and meaningful life: our needs to be physically, socially, and intellectually satisfied. In an ideal world, one would like to score three yeses with the same person for a life time. However, most of us would settle for three yeses with several individuals, and most likely at different points of our life. The threshold to enter paradise is pretty high.
Benjamin Franklin has an even harsher standard, as indicated in one of his famous quotes: “Many people die at twenty five and aren’t buried until they are seventy five.” He basically said that anyone who cannot have the “intellectually stimulated” box checked is essentially a walking death. I do agree with him. Most of us die twice – first intellectually, and then physically, often many years later. Only a small proportion of us can be intellectually alive as long as being physically so.
This reminds me a song by Pulp – “Born to Cry”. My favourite part of the song goes like this:
Some are born to greatness Some are born to die Never knowing the difference Never knowing why Some are born to change the world Some never even try
So, if the vast majority of us are just born to die, and life is essentially a pursuit of happiness, then having that ‘family’ box checked is quite important after the basic needs are met. I would like to quote Susan Sarandon in a lousy film “Shall We Dance” to support this argument. It is by far the best definition of marriage that I have ever seen.
“We need a witness to our lives. There’s a billion people on the planet… I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you’re promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things… all of it, all of the time, every day. You’re saying ‘Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness’.”
I am fortunate enough to work along side with some very intelligent individuals. Some of them are single. They are successful and happy, because they scored two yeses in questions No. 1 and No. 3. However, no matter how successful they are, only their family, their blood, will be truly happy for them. Others simply mind their own business. Without a happy family, the door to paradise is shut for them. Statistics consistently show that married people are happier and live longer, for a very good reason.
I am a believer of these three principles. To score a yes in question No. 1, I work hard to make sure that I not only won’t be a burden to the society, but also in a good position to support my loved ones if needed. To score a yes in question No. 2, I married a guy who enjoyed listening to me, divorced him when the relationship became toxic, never lose faith in true love, and am fortunate enough to find love again at the age of 42. To score a yes in question No. 3, I read and learn every day so that I can get wiser as I grow older. Life is beautiful; I am in paradise.
